中式英语之鉴读书笔记（下）

本篇博客将继续上篇博客的内容，总结《中式英语之鉴》一书的剩余部分。

Part Two：句子结构

上一部分是希望让一个英语句子变得简洁，本部分则是希望让句子变得清晰且有逻辑。上一部分是雪中送炭，这一部分希望做到锦上添花。因此，这一部分的错误将会比Part One 中的错误更难识别。

名词“瘟疫”

臃肿晦涩的名词会如同「瘟疫」一般，影响、干扰、蔓延至整个句子的其他部分，从而使整个句子由于若干个使用不慎的名词变得沉闷。而中式英语的一大特征就是，名词的使用十分臃肿而晦涩。Part One中介绍过了 冗余名词、 无义名词 与 种类名词 等，这些名词有时甚至会额外引入一些无意义的词，本章将主要介绍那些会对健康句子带来的「瘟疫」的抽象名词。

请谨慎使用抽象名词

• 「具体」的名词要比「抽象」名词更清晰、更有力。

滥用抽象名词的句子

• The prolongation of the existence of this temple is due to the solidity of its construction.

  • This temple has endured because it was solidly built
  • 原句中各个抽象名词的堆叠让整个句子都看起来非常别扭

• image packaging and impression management

  • dress to create a favorable impression

解决方案

可以将原有的抽象名词动词化，即直接写出来要做的事情即可，不必造作式地转换成名词叙述，例如：

• there can be no achievements in our work
  • we can achieve nothing
  • 将抽象名词换为动名词

或者还可以将抽象名词换为动名词，这样可以将原有生硬晦涩的句子变得更有生机，而且使原来搭配的指向性更强。

• economic revitalization will be an xxx
  • revitalizing the economy will be an
• began its issuance of xx
  • issuing xx
• on agricultural reinforcement
  • strengthening agricultural

还有一种方法是将抽象名词替换为对应的形容词或者副词，如下所示：

• for the unsoundness in organization
  • poor organization
• correctness of the policy
  • the policy is correct
• Against blindness in action
  • against acting blindly
• 添加宾语：有时可将抽象名词转化为其对应动词+（隐含的宾语），即将词的意思展开，使语义更加清晰明确。
  • the dominace of xxx
    • dominate the market
  • role of experts
    
    • knowledge and abilities of experts

「名词瘟疫」的另一种形式

有时候，还可能会将名词堆叠以用作另一名词的形容词，而这种堆叠也是「瘟疫」的另一种典型样子。在英语中，用名词作形容词在语法上是没问题的（比如apple tree），但这种名词的堆砌会让句子结构变得冗余，让语句要表达的重点模糊不清。

搞不清谁才是这一串名词里的重点部分

这种问题的解决方法通常为：（1）将多名词的形式转化成 动词+名词（换成主动形态）；（2）将多名词形式变成 名词 + of/for + 名词 的形式；（3）使用连字符；（4）加一些词进行扩展，把意思展开。一些例子如下

• technology transformation => technological tranformation
• personnel transfer center => a center for the transfer of personnel
• right-wing attack、a low-salt diets
• Expanded leadership capacity => expand capacity to lead xx

一些例子

• Analysis is also necessary for xxx
  • It is also necessary to anaylze xxx
• readjustment of the xxx wll falicitate the planning of
  • Readjust the xxxx will make it easier to plan xxx
• Highest degree of modernization in China
  • largest
• Loss-making operation
  • operating at a loss
• lack of sense of urgency
  • no sense of urgency
• But also a great disadvantage
  • impede

还有其他一些抽象名词：nature、lack、implementation等。

代词与先行词

在英语，代词和对应的先行词会决定着整个句子的逻辑关系与衔接关系，使用精准的代词会让整个句子结构变得干净简洁。然而，中式英语中代词也是最容易被用错的一类词。代词一般可分为三种：人物代词（I、you），相关代词（which、where、whom）、指示代词（this、that）。汉语里其实代词的划分其实不如英语多，因此，英语中有些代词在汉语中并没有明确的翻译方法，Chinglish中就会出现很多代词使用不正确的现象。

但代词的正确用法其实也非常简单，一言以蔽之就是：

每个代词必须指向一个先行词，即代词是指代的谁。

每个代词所替代的，就是那个先行词了。而先行词的正确用法为：要被明确写出、无二义、与代词近、语法正确

• e.g. We have not met with too many difficulties in the course of the reform, and in general it is proceeding smoothly.
• 此处it只能对应着reform，而reform也被正确、清晰地写了出来，并且距离it也很近。

违反这些规则的，就是有问题的代词与先行词了，常见的问题分类如下。

• 先行词未被明确写出。可能的情况有三种：（1）就没先行词出现，直接用了代词（作者的粗心大意）；（2）先行词与代词之间的匹配关系错误（混淆读者），（3）缺少主语（因为在汉语中很多句子的主语意思是隐含的，不像英语需要明确地写出来）；

• 先行词是模糊的。有时候，一句里有多个先行词用同一个代词在语义上虽然是可行的，但这时容易让句意变得模糊。在这种情况下，宁可多重复写几次也不要造成模糊。

• 先行词太远了。代词会被读者自然联系到一些相对更近的词，从而产生歧义。
  • Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink （that代指的实际上是Man而不是cow）
• 先行词和代词不统一。中式英语中，可能出现代词和先行词单复数形式不统一的问题
  • each enterprise ... they will xxx => each enterprise ... it will
  • administration would xxx, xxxx troops, they (it) xxx
  • anyone（是his not their）
  • medie（是its not their）

例子

• In Africa too, the strong and common voice of the xxxx of African Unity is to ask other countries not to interfere in their internal affairs

  • The African countries demand the xxx
  • 原先的their缺少一个真正的先行词

• Government departments, schools, factories and enterprises should fix the number of their workers and other employees and according to their specific work and production requirements set work loads for all of them.

  • Government departments, schools, factories and enterprises should fix the number of their employees and set work loads for all of them in accordance with the units' needs
  • 两个their其实都指代那些departments，但原句中第二个their容易给人一种指代workers的感觉；因此修改后直接使用units避免混淆

• The national leadership of our country has been shifted to a new generation, and now they are dealing with state affairs.

  • The national leadership of our country has been shifted to members of a new generation, and it is now they who are dealing with state affairs
  • generation作为单数形式不能用they来指代，因此不妨将先行词改为members，并且后面用强调句，可以让句子更通顺，重点更清晰

短语和从句的位置

英语中单词出现的位置和顺序十分重要，但单词本身的形式却难以体现出其顺序。每个单词的顺序会直接决定语义的表达效果，即会决定哪一部分是要被强调的，哪一部分承担了真正的句意重点。

词序要逻辑正确

如果一个词组的位置不正确，还可能会混淆其修饰的词

• he devote his life to developing and spreading orange strains （橘子种子）among friut growers （不可能在果农之间培育种子）
  • he devote his life to developing orange strains and spreading them among friut growers

• Musicians will play tunes allegedly refined by Confucius, using antique instruments
  • Musicians using antique instruments including the stringed guqin will play tunes allegedly refined by Confucius (原来的using会让人看起来是在修饰孔子的)

• After years of effort, Gao said that soil erosion xxxx
  • Gao said that after years of effort, soil erosion has been xxx（原来的years of effort会让人觉得是在修饰Gao）

• 诚然，从句的位置也有这种问题（也是会造成混淆修饰主体的问题）

  • after a few difficult months, we have every reason to expect that the financial situation xx
  • we have every reason to expect that after a few difficult months, the financial situation xx (本意是要说明经济形势几个月之后会xx，而不是我们xx)

正确的强调

举一个中文的例子：刘邓大军 在8月 经历千辛万苦 挺进大别山，三个要素在不同的位置将产生不同的强调效果和观感。在英文中，词组和从句的位置将会影响整个句子的重心。

• that our army will reach 5500000 at its peak next year
  • that at its peak next year our army will reach 5500000 （真正想强调的是军队数量之多，而非是到了peak）

• the government will be in much better shape next year than this, despite another enormous deficit
  • despite another enormous deficit, the government will be in much better shape next year than this

与词组类似，从句的强调位置不同会使得其形式也发生变化。中式英语中的从句之间总是缺少必要的连接词来体现它们之间的关系。在Chinglish中，一定要先分清几个从句中哪个是主句，以及确认几个从句之间是否是协调的。因此，英语里面涉及到从句的部分，需要思考，究竟哪部分（哪个从句）是我想要强调的部分呢。

其实就是先找到主句部分，然后看其他的从句是否是为了这个主句而服务的

悬挂的修饰词（unattached）

上一节的错误主要是是「misplaced」，而这一节则是「unattached」；解决上一节的错误只需要更换语序即可，而这一节的处理情况将会复杂些。

悬挂的分词

分词一般有现在分词与过去分词，而当分词位于句首时，要注意后面句子的主语是否与分词的实际主语匹配：

• Using either military or peaceful means, most of the remaining enemy forces were put out of action
  • we(revolutionary forces) use, not the enemy force use

所以这种情况下最常见的错误就是，主语和分词实际上的主语不匹配。修改方法通常为（1）补充出正确的、真正的主语；（2）修改分词部分的内容或形式。即使位于其他位置也会出现类似的问题：

• In recent years, China has introduced much technology and equipment from abroad, playing an important role in improving its petrochemical technology

  • In recent years, China has introduced much technology and equipment from abroad, and these imports have played an xxxx
  • China并不是playing an important role，而是那些进口的科技和装备

诚然，在有些英语母语表达中，某些悬挂修饰语虽然在语法上有问题，但已经约定俗称式的被大家接受，例如Based on、Wondering、Knowing；还有一些如下所示：

• Generally speaking
• Owing to
• According to
• Provided there

悬挂的动名词

本小节更加强调用于修饰作用的动名词，动名词虽然很少作修饰成分，但所处位置又常常位于一个很长的修饰词中，动名词其对应的主语，必须要和整个句子（从句）的主语保持一致。示例如下： 

• 正确的：After occupying xxx, the troops xxx
• 错误的：by cutting the number of employees, the annual debt of the xxx （应当是firm来cutting，此处debt不应作为主语）
  • After gaining some experience, these measures will xxx

悬挂的不定式

悬挂的原因同样是主语不匹配，但是在Native English中同样会出现一些看似不太对的原生表达：

• In order to serve you better, please fill out a slip... 

介词短语 

在中式英语中，短语本身的逻辑主语，与句子实际主语不一致这种情况，也属于「unattached」（悬挂），例子如下：

• After the years of effort, Gao said that soil erosion has been brought under control
  • Gao said that after years of effort, soil erosion has been brought under control
• As leaders, it is necessary to get a clear picture of the problems and work out measures to solve them
  • As leaders, we must get a clear picture of the problems

孤立的形容词

同理，也是由于主语不匹配的问题：

• Tall and shy, Diana's stylish gowns were recently auctioned off for 1 million
  • The stylish gowns of tall, shy Diana were recently auctioned off for 1 million

其他例子

• Many scattered liberated areas were linked up, enabling the people's armed forces to take the initiative military

  • Many scattered liberated areas were linked up, which enabled the people's armed forces to take the initiative military
  • 第一句的意思实际上是scattered liberated 这个主语enable了xxx，但enable真正对应的主语应当是前面这一整句话，即link up这件事。所以修改的话应该要用which搞一个从句出来

• The expansion of the productive forces was ignored, and polices were formulated neglecting the realites of the primary stage of socialism.

  • The expansion of the productive forces was ignored, and polices we formulated were too ambitious for the primary stage of socialism
  • neglect的实际主语是policy maker 并不是policy

• This world is vast and things are complicated, but after analyzing the situation, there are only a few people who support war; most people want peace

  • This world is vast and things are complicated, but if you analyze the situation you will find there are only a few people who support war; most people want peace
  • 原来的版本中，后面的从句甚至没有主语

• To reach a more objective conclusion, he said, historical, cultural, and other backgrounds of the ethnic groups should be considered when studying religon in China

  • To reach a more objective conclusion, he said, people studying religon in China should consider historical, cultural, and other backgrounds of the ethnic groups
  • To不定式的主语是那些学习的人们，而在原句中，不定式以及后面的studying却对应了backgrounds，真正的主语people却从来没有出现

平行句式

这一节的题目可能有些让人困惑，但实际上和中文里的「排比」很像，总体上「平行句式」指的是一种让语句更加结构化的方法。这会增强语句的气势与节奏，但在中式英语里，写的时候可能会不注意就缺少了某些必要的语法元素。

连接方法

通常会有这么几种连接结构：（1）平行连词：and 、or；（2）相对连词：both and、not only but also；（3）比较连词；（4）顺序连词

平行连词

其实就是那些最常见的 and/or 连接两个从句的结构。而使用这种「排比」方法时，需要保证几部分都具有相同的语法成分（跟对对联、写诗一样）

• Also to be coordinated are water supply, security and how to move people
  • Also to be coordinated are water supply, security and efficient movement of people（都是名词）

• One is the result of xx, the other is whether we can xxx
  • 或者是 One is how well the xxx, the other is how successful we are xx

• Adhering to the principles of integrating xxx, seeking with, and the mass line
  • Adhering to the principles of integrating xxx, seeking with, and following the mass line

 这种情况下，尽量不要使用单个词作为一部分。如果发现有一部分很那兼容进去，那么很可能这个句子就不适用于平行连词的结构。此外，某些情况下动名词（现在分词）也可以和名词一起并列使用。

其他连词

相对连词：靠前的那个部分（或那个词）会为读者预设一种「感觉」，而这种感觉会对某一部分多加强调。同样地，依然要注意各部分的语法成分要一致。

顺序连词：主要就是以First、Second、Third这种形式呈现的，同样地，要有一定的逻辑与先后关系，在语法结构上也要一致。

比较连词：比较时要有逻辑，而且要在语法上对应。只有保持形式和结构一致的比较，才能清晰地传达意思

• Just like the Crowne Plaza, all rooms feature an xx
  • Just like the rooms in the Crowne Plaza, all those in the xx

词性上的平行

语法结构的相同可以是粗粒度的，也可以是细粒度的

平行句式并不单指从句上的平行，还可以指从句里用词上的平行。

平行的名词

即使都是名词，也存在形式与侧重点上的差异

• against ruthless oppression by imperialism, bandits and landlords
  • against ruthless oppression imperialists, bandits and landlords
• such factors as the expansion of the xx, the diversion of xx, increased farm produce, and the recovery of the xx
  • such factors as the expansion of the xx, the diversion of xx, an increase in farm production, and the recovery of the xx

平行的动词

动词的语态如果也保持一致就更平行了

• China's foreign policy is known to all, and it will remain unchanged （被动变主动）
  • Everyone knows China's foreign policy, and it will remain unchanged

平行的词组

词组的内部结构之间亦可保持相同

• Simultaneous with that is the allocation of land, rent reduction, and wage increases 
  • Simultaneous with that is the allocation of land, reduction of the rents, and increase in wages （都将原有的名词词组拆开放到前面）
• From their point of view, xxx, in view of the overall interest
  • From their point of view, xxx, from the overall point of view （都采取了from这种形式的写法）

平行的从句

• One is the result of the practice of xxx, the other is whether we can make a xxx
  • One is how well the xx, the other is how successful

平行的句子

两个句子之间的结构也可进行对账。

• Only by doing x could the people do y. Without doing x it would be impossible for China to do y
  • Only by doing x could the people do y. Only by doing x could China to do y

让人误导的平行结构

如果这种平行结构没用好，即没有做到真正意义上的对应，那只会让表达的结果非常混乱。

一些例子 

• a cultural center with multifunction such as opera performing, exhibition, shopping and restaurant, etc
  • a multifunctional cutural center including an opera hall, exhibition space, shops, restaurants, etc. （平行结构指代成了multifunction而非真正的center）
• in accordance with the same regulations and in observation of the principle of austerity
  • in accordance with a uniform set of regulations and a consistent principle of austerity （是后面的两个名词短语要平行，而不是原句中的两个in）
• by ending the past, I mean we can leave it aside and concentrate on the future
  • By putting the past behind us I mean ceasing to talk it and focusing on the future
  • by ... I mean ... 这样的结构中前后两部分要表达的意义相同，因此在形式上也应保持一致
• all streams and rivers have their source of origin, while trees depend on their roots for growth
  • Every river has its source and every tree grows from its roots（修改后语法更对称了，而且形式上更整洁了

逻辑连接 

语句成分之间的连接（如also, in addition）在汉语中其实经常被忽略，去掉这些逻辑连接成分可能在汉语中无足轻重，但许多时候，这些成分往往是英语中比较关键的地方。英语中这些成分一定要「显式」地写出来。

一些例子

• Forty-two thousand refugees will be short of food in the coming months, and 3000 houses need to be restored
  • And 让后面的从句为前面的从句提供了一些附加信息

其实很多时候从句间的连接关系是自证的，但需要一些词把这种关系给点明。句子之间的逻辑连接是靠副词实现的，如therefore、however等。善用这些词有时能让表述变得简洁，常见的连接词如下：

• Instead、Still、Thus、Meanwhile、Nevetheless、 In addition、As a result

逻辑连接的类型

根据要表达的关系进行分类如下：

• 补充型：and、moreover、in addition
• 相反型：but、on the contrary, instead
• 因果型：because, thus, hence
• 相似型：likewise、similarly、in the same way
• 目的型：in order that、to this end、for this purpose
• 时间先后关系：after、then、meanwhile
• 逻辑先后关系：in the first place、next、finally
• 解释型：for instance、as an example、specifically
• 让步型：granted、to be sure、of course
• 加强型：indeed、in fact、surely
• 复述型：that is、in other words、as has been said
• 结论型：to sum up、in short、in conclusion

逻辑连接的解释

补充型

句与句之间的补充关系有时会过于明显，从而导致连接词被忽略。因此，要以句为单位，分析后面一句和前面一句的关系。如果有「扩大」或「增强」前面一句句义以强调最终句义的现象，那就记得看加个And合不合适。

相反型

很多时候，补充型的连接即使没有可能也不会影响句意，但是如果没有相反型的连接，则会导致句意变得难以理解。

• I am a layman in natural science. As my trip to Shanghai coincides with your discussion of a ten-year plan for science, I'd like to avail myself of this opportunity to touch on a few questions

第一句说自己是个外行，所以给人的感觉应该后面说自己要多听一听，不太会你们这些之类的。但第二句说我想借这个机会讲两句。这就明显应该加个转折，否则读起来会让人觉得怪怪的

因果型 

因果型比相反型其实还要重要，因为读者不一定能觉察到前后句的因果转折关系。像Accordingly, and because, thus 等这些词，该加就加。

否则一段中句子和句子之间只是laid side by side，而没有相互递进起来

一些有争议的连接词

在此介绍几个用起来饱受争议的连接词。首先是while，一个很「狡猾」的词，可以用在很多地方，主要的含义是「同时」。while最好只用于连接两个相同事件的情况，「然而」这个含义还是要少用，因为这会让句意变得模糊，让读者一下不知道你究竟想表达的是「同时」，还是「然而」。

• The visitors were offered tea in the courtyard, while dinner was served indoors
  • 所以，要表达「然而」转折关系时，最好还是用其他词although这些

此外，还有一个词就是With，这个词表达的含义也非常多样，可表示「陪伴」、「利用」、「方式」、「拥有」等意思。因此，当使用with时，容易出现连接意义不明显的情况，建议根据特定情况进行替换。

• With wide streets and a smal population, the city is filed with gas stations and karaoke bars
  • The city, which has wide streets and a smal population, is filled with gas stations and karaoke bars
  • The city has wide streets and a smal population, and it is filled with gas stations and karaoke bars 

总之，while和with这两个词，如果是作连接用时，能不用就不用。

错误的逻辑连接

其实就是要用and的地方用成了but。

• In our system the public sector is the major sector of the economy and there are also other sectors.

后面半句在also的加强下，明显是要转折强调的，而非用and作为前一句的补充。此外，and与or也容易被混淆：

• Yunnan Province will also build and upgrade the highways leading from Kunning to such areas.（一个highway在逻辑上不可能即被build也被upgrade）
• Yunnan Province will also build or upgrade the highways leading from Kunning to such areas.

这些所谓”错误“的连接方法只有靠句子整体意思来判断，并没有明确的法则。

Part Three：示例补充

（随机挑一些比较短的例子回顾一下）

• It is an important political task of the Party during the transition period to continue to provide assistance to the intellectuals for their self-reform

  • provide assistance to : 不必要的动词；their self-reform：名词冗余
  • One of the Party's important political tasks during the transition period is to continue helping intellectuals reform themselves

• The better do your work and the more achievements you have, thus encouraging the people to respect and acquire knowledge.

  • 表达冗余且encouraging缺少主语
  • The better you word and the more you achieve, and the more the people will be encouraged to respect and acquire knowledge.

• We should not force them to move, instead, allow them to remain in the cities

  • 两句话实际上是 say the samething twice
  • We should allow them to remain in the cities

• We must do our best to employ diversified means to use foreign funds to accelerate China's economic development

  • We must use foreign funds in different ways to accelerate enconomic development
  • Do our best起不到任何语义上的效果，而且employ diversified means也只是在矫揉造作，这些都可以直接改掉

• Revitalization and further development of agricultural production represents the central task is our current efforts to adjust the national economy

  • Our central task in adjusting the economy is to revitalize and expand agricultrual production
  • Further current national 完全没必要，都是冗余的词
  • 下划线的部分其实是句子的真正大头，根据「句子中心要come last」这个原则，应该放到our central task后面
  • 下面改完后，整个句子更加清爽简明，而且有重点，同时也没有损失太多的语言丰富性

• We have to pay attention to lowering the average age of members of the leading bodies and selecting Marxists as leaders.

  • We have to select as members of the leading bodies younger people and Marxists
  • 句中pay attention to只有冗余的份（因为have to已经强调语气了）
  • 同时降低平均年龄，直接用younger更加直接简明

• The focus of work for this year is to exert efforts to resolutely overcome unhealthy practices and to push forward the building of clean and honest government

  • This year we must concentrate on overcoming unhealthy practices and on building clean government
  • 原句中「显摆」出的这几个短语在表达句意上只会让读者感到疲劳，修改后用must concentrate同样能表示出句意的急迫性
  • 这是个非常典型的中式英语（作者往往为了显示自己高级的词汇量，而进行了一些无用甚至有害的辞藻堆砌，这对句意的传递起不到任何作用）

The End

回顾下整本书，其实所有的内容都围绕着开头那句：「一个句子中每一个词都是必要的」来展开的，后续章节也基本都是从「冗余」的角度出发，从词性和叙述的不同角度来组织全书。书中最后一部分内容是关于句与句之间的逻辑连接，但这部分个人觉得其实与「中式英语」关系不大，这些错误在母语作者身上也是容易犯的。

但是书中大部分关于冗余词（词组）的讨论，的确是「中式英语」最爱犯的毛病，因为这就像一个小孩会不厌其烦地向你介绍他的新玩具那样，一个非英语母语的作者在组织一段话时总想为读者展示自己「深厚」的词汇积累和「绝妙」的句式结构。这本书以丰富的示例展示了「中式英语」的千种面孔，这本书的内容和这两篇博客的内容你可能很快就会遗忘，但应该至少能获得一个关于「什么是冗余的英语句子」这个问题的答案一个模糊的印象。在阅读这本书时，我个人觉得切不可以「我全都要」的心态去学习，把握核心要义才是最重要的。而且其实，这本书按正常思维阅读是「中式英语之鉴」，而用逆向思维读其实就是「英语高级表达大全」（你学废了吗

总之，读完本书后可以发现，从小到大所受的英语写作教育很多地方都是典型的「Chinglish」，这就好像给在意的姑娘一直送着她并不喜欢的礼物，要改变这种习惯还是需要很多的自我纠正与练习。最后，感谢你的阅读，欢迎给出建议，以一句歌词作为结束。

“狄更斯是漫画吗，仍然少女误会了吗” ——麦浚龙 谢安琪《罗生门》"